Five Tips to Set Boundaries
Five Tips to Set Boundaries
Five Tips to Set Boundaries
Why do we need to set boundaries? Because they’re important. When we don’t have boundaries, things snowball and create chaos. Whether it’s our work, our thoughts, relationships or behaviors, we need them.
BUT. Setting Boundaries is HARD.
Here are my top tips to be able to set them.
One. Know your values, beliefs and limits.
Very often our inability and lack in confidence in setting boundaries comes from the fact that we don't even have any with ourselves. Really sit with what it is that you want and need whether it be from work, a relationship or from yourself. Know what your values are which will help you know what your limits are.
Two. Reframe No's.
No's are often seen as very harsh and as a lack. However, remember... when you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else. So, while a direct "NO" feels really hard, the effects of a no will happen no matter what. Choose your no's wisely.
Three. Boundaries aren't always a no.
Sometimes they're a yes. A yes to healthier food. A yes to more quality time with your family. Again, reframe your no's. Choose your no's wisely. OR choose your yeses wisely.
Four. Come from love.
This is respect for yourself and others. Boundaries aren't being a B or a D. There are compassionate loving ways to set boundaries. Your reframe of yes's and no's will make it a lot easier to set them. "No, I can't work late because I have dinner plans with my family." Your no is out of love for your family, not disrespect and hate for your job.
Five. Be assertive.
Be decisive. So many of us can fall into over-explaining and apologizing. "No." Is a full sentence. Use it.
Even with tips, setting boundaries is hard, but the more your practice, the more confident you’ll become. Trust yourself and what your heart is asking. Allow others to feel their own feelings. Stay authentic and compassionate in your boundaries, and there is no need for remorse or guilt.
And don’t forget to breathe.
Motherhood Stripped has an entire section on boundaries; it’s a crucial part of Layer Two in the Layered Growth Method.