Week 3 | This Week's Love Notes

Week 3 | This Week’s Love Notes

Another week in January. Another week full of days with lessons, challenges, love and gratitude.

13/366. As I took this, I was thinking, "While I share so much of me in so many capacities with so many people and on so many platforms, none of these people will ever see all of me. Yet, I feel like so many of us don't recognize this and assume we know all of the person we're looking at on their highlights."⁠
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⁠A reminder that everyone has their story. Everyone has their battle. And everyone has an entire part of them that you will never see on IG or FB. ⁠

14/366. We sat in the car, early for an appointment which is incredibly rare. As I looked through the rainy sunroof, I was struck by the contrast of the views I see through this window. It’s there for the sun, the blue skies and the happy weather. But today, the blurry view of the sleeping tree was a blunt reminder of the season we’re in. So many people hate winter. It’s cold, dreary and dark. So many suffer from seasonal affect disorder. Even the happiest of people are affected. However, I’ve learned to begin to love this season. We are so uncomfortable with being still and reflecting. We are so uncomfortable with the actual growth, that we try and avoid this all together. This season is imperative in order to bloom in the spring. And I want to have an abundant spring. So in order to do that, I’m hunkering down this winter and soaking up the beauty in this quiet season. Mindset is everything.

15/366. It was just warm enough to let the kids play after school pick up. This part of the day, when we get to do it, is one of my favorites. As simple 20 minutes of our day to let the kids burn energy. I often spend these moments quiet and to myself. Not just because I prefer it that way but I love observing. I love to observe the moms of the older children gabbing away in the parking lot. The moms of the younger children carefully following their preschool aged kids and finding their line between letting them explore and keeping them safe. I love watching the kids interactions with one another; the games they come up with, the disagreements they sort through. They’re moments that are so simple and yet I’m absolutely positive it’s a snippet of their childhood they’ll hold onto forever. The days they got to play on the playground after I picked them up. And to know that I can do this because I handed a resignation letter in 6 years ago? That is something special I think about every single day.

16/366. Those winter days in. Trying to teach the kids to embrace them, too. It’s certainly not an easy task and some days are really hard for me, too. But that’s life, isn’t it?

17/366. They’re 5 & 6 years old and increasingly more independent. Four years ago, we walked into this building. A baby on my hip and a toddler who refused to potty train and spent her first swim lesson on the side of the pool crying. It was far from an easy part in motherhood. The part in motherhood no one really warns you about. We persevered and this building continues to be our home away from home once a week minus one season we took off… by accident. Because. Well, mom life and time goes fast. Not only have they blown me away with their ability to swim, but not they stand here doing their own hair after their showers. It used to feel like an Olympic sport. Trying to get them both changed, keep their hands off the floors, keep all of our things in order, and now here they are. Gosh that went fast.

18/366. In the past few weeks, my self care game has done a 180... in the right direction. Without noticing, it’s so easy to slowly but surely move away from doing what’s most important. As mothers we MUST take care of ourselves. What happens when we don’t?

Burn out
Yelling
Getting sick
Anxiety
Depression
Lack of confidence
And the worst? Kids who are learning to live like you do.

It’s been engrained in us to believe that if we take care of ourselves, we are selfish. And no, I’m not talking about fancy spa days, salon visits or getting your nails done. (Of course if this is in your cards, so it!). I’m talking about eating well, moving your body, displaying what it looks like to have body awareness and doing what your body is asking (and explaining it out loud), doing things you love, taking risks to grow bigger, going to therapy, journaling, meditating, resting.

My children, only 5 & 6 years old, know exactly when they need to meditate, they know when they need oils and what oil they need, they take their vitamins religiously, they understand boundaries around sugar and what it is and when it’s too much, they have boundaries around what they want emotionally and a voice to share it, my daughter has her own daily gratitude journal/practice, deep breathing is our jam, their body awareness is so on point even I envy them, and they are HAPPY.

Is our household perfect? Nah. Never will be. Tempers, some yelling, some bad days. But all of us take these moments as learning moments. They’re a part of being human. So, again, tell me. How is taking care of yourself selfish? If this is what happens, if we created grounded, aware, happy children, how is this selfish?

Go take care of yourself mama, it’s not just for you.

19/366. When I was a little girl, I found myself frequently crouched at my mothers bedside at her nightstand drawer. It’s where she kept all of our pictures. I would get lost in time. Pictures have this truly magical way of teleporting you back in time. However it works neurologically, I literally lose sense of time and I can truly FEEL what was in those moments that were captured in a single picture. Getting lost in a pile of pictures has always been a favorite pastime. I should have known I’d become a photographer.

Yesterday, as the kids pulled out their nearly empty baby books, I decided that it was the day I’d start tackling these things. I went through my Facebook albums, all the way from when I was pregnant with my girl and look through every image, saving the milestones to get 4x6 prints. I was teleported. Oh my word is my life beautiful and oh my word has 7 years flown by. HOW is this girl going to be SEVEN?!

I realized as I looked at my pictures that I thought things like, “that’s when I was having an anxiety attack.” Or “I was at my worst, look how skinny I was.” And then I realized. Because of taking these daily pictures for 7 years, I was present. I captured the curls that mysteriously left her hair at age 5. I captured the way he side crawled with one leg. I captured the bright primary color table as we watched Sesame Street. I captured my last nursing session with my baby boy. I captured every single trip and adventure. Their changing smiles. My love, my cuddles, my joy of being a mother.

Anxiety was a PART of those times. It doesn’t define who I am or who I was. And here I am. With my almost 7 year old. Her long straight hair. Her toothless overbite from sucking her thumb. Her Memom eyes and model worthy brows. My independent, fierce, compassionate, courageous little girl.

I sometimes get stuck on taking the perfect pictures. Something worthy of oohs and aahs and features. And then I was reminded again that it’s not about the accolades but about telling our story. Simply capturing the every day, our love and life. And with that perspective, this is a perfect picture.