Self-Care Isn't a Luxury it's a Priority | Erin Joyce Coaching
Self-Care Isn’t a Luxury, it’s a Priority
Our lives are a series of blocks, the blocks being our life experiences all placed - one by one - on top of the other. As we grow, our life begins to take shape, each experience building on a previous experience. We eventually realize how our life is a compound effect of everything that’s happened before. It’s the realization that your difficulty with men as a 30 year old has a direct tie to your relationship with your father. Or that your family values come from those family dinners as a child. And it goes on and on like this.
What I’ve realized as a mother is something that is incredibly empowering.
We as mothers are the first blocks for our children. Their first life experiences are from us. Now, I realize that this is also a little terrifying because no matter who you are, you’re not perfect. There are going to be experiences that feel ugly and detrimental to their growth, but what I’ve found is that we have the power, in these early and formative years, to then place the next block on top of that one, creating something stronger.
For example, let’s say (hypothetically of course) there was a day that I was feeling really exhausted, run down, and getting sick. We all know this feeling. Our patience is non-existent. Then let’s say my son spilled his yogurt all over the island and the floor and I lost my shit. Like, full on mom-page. Cue in a block that will eventually require therapy to fix, right? Wrong. Before that block was fully set, I used this experience to talk to my child (or I would have if this actually happened… ha) to explain why I lost my marbles. And tell him that he wasn’t bad, and that it’s no big deal that yogurt spills. To help him realize that my response was a direct correlation to how I was feeling and the lack of self-care I had implemented and that it had nothing to do with him.
That block that was just laid down in his foundation is now a powerful one. It’s one that has taught him that peoples’ reactions and responses, even if directed towards him, likely have nothing to actually do with him.
The reason I was able to make this life experience and teaching one, one that was powerful and part of a strong foundation, was not by accident. It’s not because I went to school or because I have a master’s degree. It’s because I work EVERY DAMN DAY in a grounding practice, in my faith, in my awareness. I am constantly striving to understand myself more and in turn understand my children more.
Our children, who grow incredibly fast, will soon enough start to gather experiences that we are no longer a part of. Our kids will be off to school building blocks from the relationships with their teachers and peers. Eventually, they will be building blocks that we will know nothing about and won’t even know are there.
Our children will have life experiences that challenge them, challenges with drugs, sex, career choice, relationships and finding their autonomy. In these parts of their lives, remember that each experience is built on top of the other.
That, with a strong foundation, a bad experience later in life doesn’t have to break them. The blocks don’t have to come tumbling down. They will have the tools to navigate these challenges and stand back up because you can teach them through example.
And this, mama, is why we need to take care of ourselves.
Self-care isn’t about treating ourselves. It’s not because we deserve it. It’s not something that we can do sometimes when we have enough time. Self-care is the lifeline to our children’s foundation. A mother’s self-care is vital for her own health so that her children are healthy.
Self-care isn’t pedicures and massages. Self-care is discipline and hard work.
Self-care is eating 3 meals a day.
Self-care is understanding female hormones and how to eat to balance them.
Self-care is find a way to create 20 minutes of alone time in your day to meditate and journal.
Self-care is moving your body when all you want to do is sleep.
Self-care is DELEGATING and advocating for yourself and recognizing mother’s don’t HAVE to do EVERYTHING.
Self-care is setting boundaries that feel really uncomfortable.
Self-care is having a physical, mental and emotional awareness that can only truly be obtained and maintained through a self-care routine like evening and morning routines.
Self-care is choosing tea instead of wine.
Self-care is going to therapy.
Self-care is deleting social media because it sucks up your attention and makes you spiral in comparison.
Self-care is taking vitamins.
Self-care is leaving dishes in the sink so you can take a nap.
Self-care is choosing a personal development podcast over a reality TV show.
Self-care is hard.
And while I know that we, as mothers, are the primary benefactors in our self-care practice, the reason we need to do it is for our children.
A mother’s self-care allows more patience. It allows more understanding. It fills our cup so we can pour more. Our self-care practice is a model to our own children so they know exactly how to take care of themselves starting now. Our self-care, in how we talk to ourselves and about ourselves, turns into our children’s internal dialogue.
We are our children’s foundation. We are their first building blocks.
If taking the time to have self-care feels hard because {fill in the blank aka it takes time away from them, I feel guilty, I don’t know how, I don’t have support] I want you to say “how can I?” How CAN you make it work? This isn’t a luxury. This isn’t easy. This is almost life or death. Our self-care is a direct correlation in how we experience our role as a mother, and even more importantly, how our children will learn to navigate their own lives.
Give them a strong foundation. You CAN do it. Ask yourself “How can I?”
Remember, this isn’t easy. But, mama? You got this. You are amazing. You are strong. You are worthy.
You are enough.
Quick Tips for Self-Care
Find a meditation practice. Mindfulness will change your life. My favorite app is Insight Timer
Have a healthy evening routine. I know that wine and Bravo TV are appealing and sometimes a necessary evil, but work on creating an evening routine that helps you decompress and move through your emotions in a healthy way. Journal, meditate, have tea, have a breathing practice. Make it easy. I find, for mothers, evening routines are more important than morning routines.
Find a morning routine. If your kids are a bit older aka not nursing every 2 minutes or co-sleeping, wake up at least 10 minutes before your kids. Breath, ground, meditate, smile, set your intentions for the day.
Meal prep. Find a way that’s easy, just be sure you eat well. Hormonal health is vital.
Move your body. You don’t need to do it all day every day and be a crossfit junkie, just move. Even if it’s some dancing. Move.
Delegate. Don’t take on the busy badge. It’s nothing to be proud of. Implement chores and instead of getting angry at your spouse for not helping, directly ask them for what you want and need in any given moment. Delegate.
Develop your mind, body and soul. If you’re ready to expand even more, delve into podcasts, books or hire a coach. (hi! I can help!).
Remove the shame, judgement and comparison. This helps no one. You are doing the best you can every day and that’s phenomenal. You are you, not anyone else. Get out of social media if you’re stuck in comparison. And remember that your judgements of others are a beautiful mirror to learn more about yourself. Motherhood is hard. Not a single one of us are going to perfect it. You will burn out trying to do it perfectly.
Connect. As mother’s we disconnect because we are exhausted, overwhelmed and anxious. Connect with yourself, your children and the important relationships in your life. Tomorrow may never come. Get on the floor and play. Laugh. Stop and give a hug. Put the phone down and look the person in the eyes. Go out in nature device free. Go to church. Meditate. CONNECT. When you don’t know what else to do, just love. Love your kids. Love yourself.
Drink a lot of water.
