Weeks 11 + 12 | Quarantine Chronicles
Weeks 11 + 12 | Quarantine Chronicles
In the past two weeks, our lives went from normal, everyday routines to being turned completely upside down because of a pandemic. I surround myself with a lot of women in my work, mostly mothers. And I hear a chaos of frantic energy, self-judgement and shame. We, as a society, somehow designed a quarantine scale. If you are decluttering, have a homeschool station and bake every day, you’re a 10. If you are anxious, hardly showered and throwing cheerios at your kids while they’re on devices, you’re a 1. As I watch this comparison go down my heart breaks. Let me rewrite the first sentence of this blog post for you.
In the past two weeks, our lives went from normal, everyday routines to being turned completely upside down because of a pandemic.
In what world are any of us prepared for a pandemic? According to the empty shelves of toilet paper, none of us. We are all designed differently and we are all going to handle this differently.
There is no wrong way and there is no right way to handle being quarantined.
What I ask is that you simply show up with love. Whether you showered, whether you put another frozen pizza in the oven, whether you nailed a perfect schedule or you sat in an anxiety attack today, I want you to know you’re doing great and you deserve love, especially from yourself.
Our worth is not sitting in our decluttered closets, baked goods, or homeschool abilities.
Give yourself the grace and space to figure this out. This is going to be our new normal for a little bit, but not forever. And I think the very best thing we can do right now is hug our family and find ease. We are not needing to rise to the top of any bar. We are not being graded on our quarantine abilities.
Remember, this has happened in two weeks. TWO WEEKS. These are my chronicles. I wrote the captions very specifically to show how quickly things changed. I will continue to take daily pictures and share the emotions and feelings that come up for me in each day to process and document the time we’re in.
I feel like a ping pong in my own body.
One minute I’m happy, calm and full of gratitude and the next minute I’m short of breath and scared. With all of the amazing tools I’ve learned over the years (and teach in Create Your Best Life). I feel fully prepared for something like this. It’s been a tremendous gift to have fear enter into me and to know what to do with it so it is released and not a state that I am forced to sit in by my own mind. And I want you to know you can get to that space, too. For now, love. Simply love. Love yourself, love your family and love your neighbors.
We will get through this together.
For more support, please join my free facebook group, Same Boat Huddle and listen to my podcast, Same Boat Huddle.
69/366. This girl of mine. In two weeks she will be 7! Watching her grow over these past 7 years has been the most rewarding gift I’ve ever received in my life. She is such an angel.
70/366. “Mom!” Look at this trick I can do! He’s been so happy; I think getting outdoors is the trick for him. Being able to use his energy in a way that feels good for him. Thank God spring is coming! Lots of talk starting about this coronavirus thing. I feel like they’re overreacting. This is getting a little out of hand. We can’t live in fear!
71/366. The coronavirus seems to be coming closer and closer to home. I was actually a little nervous to take her out to Target to even get her new clothes, but we can’t live in fear. The daddy-daughter dance is coming up on Friday and she picked out her very first pair of heeled shoes. We have been so, so excited for this special dance for her and Dustin. I can’t wait to see her all dressed up!
72/366. I felt anxious this morning. I shook the entire morning completely unable to focus on a single thing. I walked around like a lost dog. Colleges are closing and things seem to be getting real. I don’t understand what’s happening or what to expect, really. I got a call from my daughter’s school at 11:00am letting us know they were closing at 1pm and staying closed on Friday. I didn’t see this coming. I got the call and fell apart, it terrified me to get that call. For them to close school? This was big. Was I supposed to take the kids to swim? Everyone told me yes, so I did. Carefully. And it was the first time my daughter showered herself - even with all of that hair she was ready to do it on her own. I stood behind the curtain as a helping hand if she needed it and peeked my head out at my boy staying occupied on rare device time. It was a moment, in the midst of the craziness that I soaked in. They are growing far too quickly. I loved this still moment with them and so glad I captured it.
73/366. The fear of not having food hit me. I woke at 4:30am to get to the grocery store to try and simply get essentials and there was no meat. I got 3 sausage links and a pork loin. This scares me. Being home with them on this day that they were to be at school, though? I oddly need this time with them. So, I will soak in the moment we’re in.
74/366. School is cancelled for two weeks. This is getting very real. I’m not even sure what to think or feel, but to be right here, right now.
75/366. I’m so grateful the sun has been out and flowers are blooming. Our little street has seen so many of our footprints and this boys tires. I keep thinking how grateful I am that we are able to be outside right now. It’s saving us. It hasn’t settled in yet, all that’s happening. There are a lot of schedules going around of how to “homeschool” your kids. I got this. I am the master scheduler and I know that I can help other women find ease and peace in this craziness. Time to plan a webinar!
76/366. Our first day home with no school. The schedule was a huge success and the kids loved it; so did I. We got school work done, movement in and dinner made. I feel good.
77/366. The Leprechaun did his best to leave little tricks and treats around even though he can’t get to any stores! This 25% Irish girls’ eyes were smiling. Somehow, this day has become one of their favorites; so, I’ve decided I’m really gonna take on this holiday next year. I’m committed! Another amazing day, though I really let myself not go so hard. We did just enough and that meant staying in PJs until 10am and I’m okay with that.
Yet another day of rescheduling and seeing my April weddings move off of the calendar. A lot of phone calls and texts to fellow photographers, rewriting contracts and trusting God that my finances will be okay happened today. It hasn’t been easy but all I can do is trust.
78/366. Today was hard. I woke up feeling shaky and a bit anxious, and then when I got an alert that Salt Lake City experienced an earthquake, my body imitated something similar to an earthquake. It’s like I can’t possibly take on anything more. It was in this moment how much I realized my nervous system is actually hanging on. I called my brother to no answer; my stomach turned over. I called my sister in law… they’re okay. I nearly fell to my knees, just the thought of tragedy on top of pandemic feels selfish, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around it and so glad I didn’t need to.
This dog? He’s been my non-negotiable every single day to help calm my nerves. The second my husband walks in the door, I get the leash and take him for our 50 minute walk. “Bye mom! I’ll miss you! See you in 50 minutes!” it’s my time for quiet, reprieve and movement. It’s my non-negotiable.
79/366. Today will be a better. I chose this. I meditated, I journaled and I chose that today would feel calmer and more grounded. As I opened my daughter’s curtains, I saw the tree was in bloom. THIS is a miracle. This is God reminding us that everything will continue to live, and grow and bloom. We are going to be okay.
80/366. We made it an entire week at home. I feel tired, but I made the intention to allow myself to just move through this week. To stay in sweats, skip make up, skip laundry, stay up a little too late and simply process what is happening. In a matter of a week, my business has been closed down, I’ve lost all of my income (10s of thousands) for the next couple of months and the world is closing down. It’s been a lot to take in, so I’m giving myself the space and room to do that and having this permission feels amazing. Ending the week on a warm day with my family doing a neighborhood scavenger hunt is even more amazing, especially with such little traffic around.
81/366. Today feels good. I feel full trust right now. Full surrender and full trust. I’m with my beautiful family soaking up every ray of sunshine. So many stressors have cleared and all we see are each other. It feels like a gift.
82/366. Ending the week with notes of love on our street. Seeing the sidewalk chalk around the streets and sidewalks have been such a beautiful way to spread joy. I feel ready to move into a new mindset this week. To take on our new normal. To find our new routine, our new energy and our new joy. I’m ready. I’m also ready for the days that will feel hard and scary. I’ll let them come and then I will let them go. For now? I will enjoy this sunshine and my people.